- The Unloved
The UnlovedLast updated 4 days, 9 hours ago
- Archetype Highlander Rogue
- Format Wild
- Deck Type Just For Fun
- Views 359
- Crafting Cost 18560
- Your Cost Coming Soon
The Banana Saga, Part 6: The Unloved
When the threat of a jail cell in Stormwind finally made Trade Prince Gallywix tell Sergeant Sally the source of the corruption on his Bananas, she didn't believe him. Repeated demands for him to just tell the truth got nowhere.
"Really? Why do you expect me to believe there's this, what did you call it? 'The Boogeymonster'? And you're just trying to help it make friends? Come on Jastor, you always full of crap but altruism? You don't have an altruistic bone in your body, and that's on top of the ridiculous claim that a servant of the Old Gods wants friends. So just cut the crap and tell me where they're really coming from."
"Look kid" Gallywix answered as fed up of this as Sally was. "I already told ya five times. The Boogeymonster's real, and like me he's a real nice guy... plus he's got a big pile of gold and not a lot of business sense. So when I's help him out, he helps me out, and everyone's happy."
Sally squinted, trying desperately to read his body language for any sign that he was lying. Nothing.
"Woah kid. No need for that look. It's clear that unlike me - the nicest guy on Azeroth - you ain't interested in helping out the poor creatures of this world. And since you insist on holding me here, you're gonna have to go tell my associate why I can no longer help him out. So give me a map or let me go."
Descent into... madness?
The last thing Sally wanted to do was follow Gallywix's directions, but it was the only lead she had on the biggest case of her career. But as big as it was, it was ultimately her case, and she couldn't convince a single other officer to join her on a trip into a cave at the behest of the slimiest goblin around. It was only with a hefty fraction of the goblin's confiscated profits that she managed to convince anyone at all, and thus she began her Journey Below with world renowned archaeologist, explorer and treasure hunter Reno Jackson, along with his favourite magic lamp.
The journey was surprisingly uneventful. Sally had anticipated traps but there was nothing of the sort. The cave just kept going deeper and deeper, with nothing jumping out to attack them. She didn't even have the anxious feeling of being watched. Possibly she was too distracted by Reno's obsession with every tiny glint he thought he saw, only a few of which yielded anything other than disappointment.
Eventually they bumped into a Cyclopian Horror guarding the entrance to a large chamber. Sally readied a canister of Noggenfogger's pepper spray, and Reno waltzed up to it calling out "Hey there! Have you heard of a guy named.... the Boogeymonster?" By the time he uttered the being's name he was already shaking the horror's hand.
The huge smile that spread across the horror's face told them more than the unintelligible sound that came out of it. The creature then skipped off into the gloom. "I think it wants us to follow it. Yes, without a doubt" Reno said calmly, before scampering off after it. Sally followed with infinitely more caution.
When she caught up she found Reno half inside a monstrous creature's mouth. No. It was it's belly. Wait, no, mouth-belly? Whatever it was, Sally was not about to lose her reckless comrade to such a foul creature and she once again reached for her pepper spray.
"Hey, you made it!" Reno called out. "Look at this creature's fascinating choppers. Having a mouth at the stomach is brilliant. This guy get's to eat its meals twice!"
Truly astounded, Sally didn't know what to say.
"Lost for words huh? I know the feeling. Maybe I should use one of my wishes for a stomach mouth of my own... Ooh, our horror friend is back with some more Thistle Tea. Try it. I doubt you have had anything like it."
In her silence Sally slowly became aware of her surroundings. Just like Gallywix had described it was a place filled with a strange mix of void corruption and civility. All sorts of twisted creatures she had never seen before were there just frolicking and, fishing apparently. She recognised Mukla, Tyrant of the Vale as a beast she had encountered, attacked and watched escape multiple times before. The corrupted ape saw her back and did nothing but smile.
"You friend too? You know Gallywix?" gurgled the monstrosity now being hugged by Reno. "Perhaps gold coin remind you?" it added and gently threw a coin at her. Her continued speechlessness led it to throw a few more and wear a huge, disgusting, but no doubt friendly smile.
After Sally finally cast aside her expectations and accepted what was in front of her, she had a long chat with the Boogeymonster. She explained how its bananas were harming people and creatures on the surface, to which the saddened monster apologised.
"All I wanted was friend." It whimpered. "Old friends use me as joke. Stab me in back. Betray me. Not good for anything they say. So I hide self here. Where no one find me except friend Gallywix. He bring new friends with friendship fruit. Now lots of friends. But you say new friends bad, so I hide again."
Somehow Sally was feeling genuinely sorry for this poor creature. It must have had the misfortune of being the one monster created by the Old Gods to have a heart. It was clear to her that this place was almost idyllic in its own terrifying way. Far from the eyes of the world even the most hopeless creatures had a home. "No no. You're good right where you are." she comforted him. "That's enough of this banana malarkey though I think."
"Hey, Sally" whispered Reno in her ears. "I think we should head back. Like now. That monkey's been offering me bananas for literally minutes and I don't know how much longer I can resist."
Rolling her eyes, Sally agreed, gave The Boogeymonster a friendly wave, and with the help of Zephrys the Great stepped through a portal back to the surface. "You know what Reno? There's so much more going on in this world than you would ever think possible."
"Yeah, uh, that's great. Now about that money you were offering..."
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- 1 Shifter Zerus x 1
- 2 Bilefin Tidehunter x 1
- 2 Duskboar x 1
- 2 Nat, the Darkfisher x 1
- 2 Twisted Worgen x 1
- 2 Zephrys the Great x 1
- 3 Mischief Maker x 1
- 3 Sergeant Sally x 1
- 3 Silithid Swarmer x 1
- 4 Aberrant Berserker x 1
- 4 Cyclopian Horror x 1
- 4 Infested Tauren x 1
- 4 Midnight Drake x 1
- 4 Polluted Hoarder x 1
- 5 Loose Specimen x 1
- 6 Corrupted Seer x 1
- 6 Mukla, Tyrant of the Vale x 1
- 6 Reno Jackson x 1
- 6 Scaled Nightmare x 1
- 7 Grotesque Dragonhawk x 1
- 7 Hogger, Doom of Elwynn x 1
- 8 The Boogeymonster x 1
- 9 Dragonqueen Alexstrasza x 1