The new Maw and Disorder Mini-Set is upon us, and every Hearthstone class gets something to be hopeful about with the new cards. If you need a slew of fresh ideas, we've certainly got ideas. And then some. A closer look into this peculiar trial is in order.
In the Hearthstone community, theorycrafters are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the memers, who harness complicated synergies using overlooked cards, and the try-hards, who play aggro and mock everyone else on Reddit. These are their decks.
*dun-dun*
Demon Hunter
Monday, 8:03 A.M.
MEL'TRANIX: Opening arguments for the anima theft start today, and I don't like the case I'm presenting to the magistrate. I need you two to dig up something useful: actionable evidence that can tie the defendant to the crime. Think you can handle that?
HOLMES and WATFIN nod.
MEL'TRANIX: Good, now get out of here. (Turns to look behind her) Can I help you?
ICE-T: I think I'm in the wrong show.
Druid
Monday, 9:14 A.M.
JERRY: Sure, I seen some shady people going in an out of my anima storage facility, but I ain't ask any questions. Askin' questions is how you wind up on page six of The Revendreth Review, you catch my drift?
HOLMES mrrgls a question.
JERRY: On the night of the 5th? I was out with my friends. I had nothing to do with this theft. No one's gonna pin this crime on ol' Jerry; I know the guy who was supposed to be watchin' this place that night. He's heavy into debts with the wrong people. Pretty suspicious, if you ask me.
HOLMES mrrgls a new question.
JERRY: Hey, I said I had nothing to do with this! You can't book me for accessory when you ain't got proof! I got the right to Dew Process!
Hunter
Monday, 9:30 A.M.
MEL'TRANIX: Listen up, because I'm only going to offer this once: we'll cut you a deal. Confess to the anima theft and we'll dismiss all charges involving Teldrassil. Just tell me what you did with the anima you stole.
SYLVANAS: I think you underestimate the skill of my lawyer.
NATHANOS bursts in.
NATHANOS: Hold it right there! My client doesn't have to answer your questions. You're grasping at straws and you know it, Mel'tranix. We'll see you in court.
MEL'TRANIX: You're making a mistake.
NATHANOS: I don't think so. Don't forget, I'm the guy who got Korrak the Bloodrager out of manslaughter charges.
Mage
Monday, 10:59 A.M.
MEL'TRANIX: I've gone over everything the cops have given us. Her defense is ironclad: she's got a Solid Alibi and all other threads in the case have gone cold.
KEL'THUZAD: We're not backing down. The mayor wants no less than life in prison for the culprit. With elections looming, he can't afford to let something this big go unpunished.
MEL'TRANIX: I can only hope those two detectives find us something useful before the jury deliberates.
Paladin
Monday, 11:00 A.M.
"All rise, the honorable Sire Denathrius presiding."
DENATHRIUS: This court will come to order. We'll start with the opening arguments. Does the defense wish to state their case first?
NATHANOS: Absolutely, your Honor. Ladies and Gentlesouls of the jury, my client is innocent of the crime in question. The prosecution would have you believe that, on the night of the 5th, my client made off with several gallons of stolen anima. We will prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my client had nothing to do with this crime. Furthermore...
MEL'TRANIX: This ought to buy us some time.
Priest
Monday, 1:32 P.M.
NATHANOS: The defense calls their first witness to the stand.
BAILIFF: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Yogg? Be seated.
NATHANOS: Would you mind telling the court where you were on the night in question?
WITNESS: I was in my stall, which is located across the street from the anima storehouse. I was about to close up for the night when a Mysterious Visitor dropped in and asked me if I had a wheelbarrow they could borrow. Of course, I didn't have a wheelbarrow at the time because my cousin had borrowed it that morning and I told the visitor this.
NATHANOS: And did this mysterious visitor look like my client?
MEL'TRANIX: Objection! Leading the witness!
DENATHRIUS: Wrong deck, but sustained.
Rogue
Monday, 2:23 P.M.
DENATHRIUS: Read back that last exchange, please.
STENOGRAPHER: Witness: "They were wearing a cloak. I couldn't see what they looked like." Prosecution: "Did you notice anything else about them?" Witness: "I saw a knife poking out of their pocket."
NATHANOS: The prosecution is clearly fishing! This witness saw nothing, and is providing us only with a load of circumstantial evidence! Exactly what crime is my client being accused of?
MEL'TRANIX: Your Honor, we're trying to establish that the crime was premeditated.
DENATHRIUS: Objection sustained. Watch your line of questioning, counsellor.
Shaman
Monday, 4:07 P.M.
PEASANT: What did I see that night? Well, what's it worth to you?
HOLMES mrrgls a threat.
PEASANT: Hey, I don't want any trouble. I was just cleaning the place, along with some others, the morning of the sixth. I didn't see anything, but one guy says he found a stack of totems in one of the dumpsters out back. I'd check that alleyway, if I were you.
Warlock
Monday, 5:30 P.M.
DENATHRIUS: Wrap up your line of questioning, counsellor. We need to adjourn for the day.
MEL'TRANIX: How well would you say you know the defendant, Mr. Rafaam?
RAFAAM: I don't know her at all. We've never met before today. Like I said, I manage a small import business in the same neighborhood as the theft.
MEL'TRANIX: Is it true that your building burned down six months ago, and that you collected a large insurance payout as a result?
RAFAAM: Well yes, but -
MEL'TRANIX: And is it also true that, with your business in dire straits, you were convinced by the defendant to help her smuggle out cases of stolen anima?
RAFAAM: Well, not so much as -
MEL'TRANIX: Answer the question! Did you help smuggle the stolen anima out of the Shadowlands?
RAFAAM: Yes!
THE COURT murmurs.
DENATHRIUS: Order, Order! This court will be adjourned until tomorrow morning!
Warrior
Tuesday, 10:01 A.M.
NATHANOS: Your honor, the defense has one last witness we'd like to Call to the Stand.
DENATHRIUS: Proceed, Counsellor.
NATHANOS: Your honor, the defense calls the defendant to the stand.
BAILIFF: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you Y'Shaarj? Be seated.
NATHANOS: Sylvanas, can you prove your whereabouts on the night of the theft?
MEL'TRANIX: Where are those detectives?
TO BE CONTINUED
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Comments
I am cackling.
Sule, you are a treasure.
The courtroom drama is more exciting than the actual decks showcased!
This line right here is absolute gold
Hoping a meta defining Secret Mage deck!